As it’s almost Halloween lets focus on why Librarians are just so scary. Don’t believe me?
Hands up how many of us have dreamed up doing that with a copy of AACR2?
If you too want to walk as the undead librarian this Halloween here’s some handy tips for perfecting your costume.
These instructions for creating a zombie librarian look certainly seem to be based on the traditional stereotype of the librarian, all the vitals are there:
‘Frumpy dress’
‘Granny glasses’
‘Sensible shoes’
‘Sssssh!’
And for all those Children’s Librarians there’s some reading material to keep children afraid.
Librarians are scary whether its the constant Shushing or the enjoyment of public humiliation of offending library patrons, Librarians can be portrayed quite literally as monsters. Here are a few examples of horror librarians in film:
Ghostbusters (1984)
One of the first ghosts encountered by the Ghostbusters is the ghost of Eleanor Twitty at the New York Public library. Her ghost appears harmless enough, quietly shelving books. Until the ghostbusters disturb her and attempt to capture her, her full monster is revealed.
Top tip: Don’t ever disturb a librarian while shelving under any circumstances. Librarians take their job very seriously, even in the afterlife, because of course librarians don’t actually have lives.
Personal Ads (1990)
Jennifer O’Neill plays a timid librarian who by day shelves books, but by night stalks men via newspaper ads then kills them on the first date. Proof if needed that librarians are hysterical and fearful creatures and that women should not be trusted with a position of power.
Chainsaw Sally (2004)
Sally works at the local library who likes to take revenge on uninformed library patrons with her chainsaw. She carries out a series of murders justified by her role as librarian:
Sally: I’ve been looking for you. Waiting, waiting … you never came back.Why,Tina?
Tina: Why? I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sally: Don’t pretend you don’t know.
Tina: Please! I have no idea what you’re talking about!
Sally: No idea? NO IDEA?? Is it not true that in June of last year you checked out a book from the public library? Is it not true that you, Tina Gray, checked out Atkins for Life by the late Robert C. Atkins? (Shouting) And is it not true that since then that book has not been able to be checked out by any other patron of the Porterville Public Library? Is it?
Tina: (sobbing) Yes! I guess so!
Sally: And why is that, Tina? WHY IS THAT, TINA!!!
Tina: Because! I never brought it back!
Sally: That’s right. You never did. And now your fine is in the double digits. But, Tina, you only live four blocks away. I sent notices. I sent letters. What the fuck is wrong with you, girly girl? Now there are a bunch of freakin’ fat asses waddling around Porterville, and it’s all thanks to your complete and utter LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY!!
The Church (1989)
Evan is a cataloguer working on a historic collection of books at the old cathedral when he accidentally unleashes an evil being hidden underneath the cathedral. Evan becomes possessed by the demon proving that it is not healthy for librarians to be around books all day long.
The Off-Season (2004)
Kathryn plays a library assistant who unfortunately checks into a haunted room in a motel possessed by evil spirits. Maybe her reference skills can save her?
So why are Librarians so scary?